A Thought

If in our life time they find aliens are real I hope the government creates a department to contain Tom Cruise's excitement. Then they will have to create a department to contain my excitement when the mother ship takes him, his wife, and alien pod child away. Even if it means the end of the world I will sit on my front porch with a full pitcher of ice tea watching everything burn screaming--"You and the captain made it all happen Tom Cruise!" I don't even think I would be depressed which will make Tom Cruise happy. Maybe I can talk my neighbor into making long island ice tea and we will be so drunk the end of the world won't be so bad.

I guess everyone talking about the Mayans has got me thinking of how stupid everyone sounds being worried about the end of the world. If it comes it comes--get a life. I don't care if the world ends because it's not like you can stop it once it starts. I wish people worried that much about being fat. I saw a woman the other day with an ass cheek bigger than an average sized person. If it was play dough it would take two people to roll it up into a ball then a sculptor could mold it into a person. Now that's something to worry about. Maybe they should take a page from Tom Cruise and take jumping on a couch bragging--"I tapped that hot young thing"--to stay skinny.

I work at Wal-Mart and I see the fat people riding around on the motorized go carts telling people they are handicapped and they have a right to the cart while the elderly limp around at a snails pace. If the seat is just a quarter of the size of one ass cheek then get up and walk. If they walked more it would aid in the reduction of their body size and maybe they wouldn't be handicapped. I helped an old lady one day when she collapsed to the floor because there were no more carts then a fat chick ran over my foot before I got the lady into the upright position. It was at that moment I wanted to hulk out--after all it would take hulk strength to lift Mrs. Fatty Fat off the cart--throw her to the back side of the building and give the frail old lady the cart. I would be a hero to the elderly and a villain to the obese. It would end up like the movie "The Incredibles" where I would get sued by the fat chick and by the victim she landed on.

I'm not a skinny person but at the same time I'm not obese. Being fat is a bigger problem than the end of the world at this current time. If the Mayans are correct and the world ends in 2012 I will be disappointed that I missed the London Olympics but I can rest assured that everyone else has to live with the same problem. So suck it up butter cup and get over it. Throw down a tea or two, set the lawn chair up on the lawn, take in the view, and pray you aren't the last woman stuck with Tom Cruise because that would be depressing.